51 Weeks To Go

Now that there is no adrenaline remaining at AI-HQ, The AI Etiquette & Protocol Committee would like to take this opportunity to thank all the Stans who made their way from points near and far to make AI-XXIII one of the best, if not the best, AI in AI history.  Stans came from LA, from Pittsburgh, from Bastrop, from Jim Thorpe, from Brooklyn, from the ATL, from Sarasota, Windermere and down the block.  The grand spectacle of The AI would not be possible without each and every Stan.

The Committee would like to draw special attention to a few aspects of The AI that perhaps are not fully appreciated during the maelstrom. To Reef for the post-AI lunches.  To Wally for his annual culinary gift. To Edie, designer of the iconic AI logo, for her ever enthusiastic help with The AI Tchotchke Department. To Mr. Heimsch for his annual case of wine and to Dr. Bauer for his several bottles of fine champagne.  To Christina "The Baroness von Sidecar" and Tom for generously hosting the annual AI cocktail party. To Nick for his technical assistance and cinematography.  To Sean, Nick & Kate with help from Tony for their heroic work on what was surely the finest Banquet in AI history (the last of which we just finished eating an hour ago).  To Cleo without whom we would be doing dishes until mid-May.

The Baroness von Sidecar                                   Most of The Banquet Staff

   in her natural habitat                                          hoping and praying                               

To Nora for her weeks of work and dedication to The AI Food & Beverage Committee without which we simply could not produce the quality that AI gourmands demand.

And, of course, to The Banquet Director, without whom The AI quite simply would not exist.  Who else would put up with her spouse's personality disorder for XXIII years?

AI-XXIV awaits, god willing and the creek don't rise

Day 2 AI-XXIII

Breakfast, coffee, chipping, putting, sand shots, drives, Lack of Skills, 9 holes of best ball action, sidecars, snacks, fried chicken, cole slaw, quinoa, bowling, videos, beer, negronis, wine.  That was the Cliff Notes Day 2.

The dawn broke at dawn, unsurprisingly, but not a creature was stirring all through the house.  We eventually woke and did a quick head count to make sure Jim was with us.  For those of you just joining us, Mr. Reifsnyder was inexplicably  late to the opening dinner at Yellow Dog Eats Thursday evening.  Perhaps it was the double Manhattan, or the Med Men purchase or a couple of beers.  Perhaps it was just succumbing to the overwhelming stimulation at The AI and losing a sense of place.  Whatever it was, despite being at one of the cars as it pulled out of the garage on its way to Yellow Dog, he somehow failed to actually enter a car and thus was left at AI-HQ wondering no one was answering him as he continued to chatter away.  Eventually, Rich and Tony would extract him from under a tree somewhere near AI-HQ.

CKorp was kind enough to suggest an addition to next year's AI budget to mitigate against something like this happening again.

"Smart mini-GPS Tracker for dogs, cats and pets"

Lack of Skills featured 5 categories this year as conceived by Subcommittee Chairman Heimsch:  30 yard shot, 75 yard shot, sand shot, drive and putt.  The players were to choose any 3 categories and received two swipes at each event.  There was a colorful spread sheet, there were 14 golf balls, there was a tape measure (borrowed from the Pro Shop because, of course, Rich and Mitch again forgot to bring one from AI-HQ.  As of this writing, the results are not available although we hope that we can get them prior to tomorrow night's Awards Ceremony, assuming we remember to have the Awards Ceremony.

LOS was followed by the metastasizing 4-Ball Match, now featuring 7 balls from 7 players, 6 of who were paired:  Kathi & Mitch; Christina & Wally; and last year's formidable duo, Rich & Tom.  Gordon was left to wander about the course trying to remember how many times he had hit the ball.The foursome of K/M and R/T saw both groups play well.   Mitch & Kathi, former BH Couples Club Champions, ham and egged nicely, with a birdie from Mitch on 6 on his ways to a 40 and a 60'+ snake of a putt rolled in by The BD on 9 for a par 4 leading to 24 points. Tom was steady as usual, making 6 pars and a bogey for a 39 while Rich chimed in in some key spots and they finished with 21.  W/C played well and had 17 while Gordon, onetime seemingly invincible in this event, should be finishing up by the time this is posted.
So, with 100% of the scorecards reporting, your 7 Ball Champions for AI-XXIII:  The BD and The Director.

Golf was followed again this year by a cocktail party hosted by The Baroness von Sidecar and her assistant.  Featuring, of course, her eponymous drink along with a wide assortment of appetizers and a new Pez display, The AI spent several hours guzzling, chewing and watching Liverpool FC defeat some other team who were wearing red and white uniforms.

After a head count, we returned to AI-HQ for mountains of fried chicken, blue cheese cole slaw, quinoa salad and assorted libations in preparation for the return of Bowling For Sotweeds.  Spanning 3 lanes and including 12 keglers, this year's BFS was a tightly pitched battle with almost all balls staying in the alley from which they originated, several balls not quite making it to the pins, myriad balls not contacting any pins and a "machine".  In was a stunning display of mediocrity Edie continued her undefeated reign atop the femme division while Heimsch cobbled a technique together which would not leave his arm stuck in the ball after he release it and scored an improbable upset on the homme side.  Wally & Gordon refused to play citing trigger warnings from years spent in alleys as youths while Nora did not attend at all jeopardizing her status at The AI.

RICH   135 - 121     252

TOM     103 - 136    239

Edie  109 - 129:       238

JIM    130 - 106       236

Tony 107 - 102:       209

MITCH  88- 118      206

Kathi  97 - 99:         196

CK       99 - 90:       189

KG      73 - 109:      182

Emma 67 - 81:        148

Nick 65 - 81:           146

Sean 32 - 52 :           84

The Official Car whisked the players back to AI-HQ for more revelry including several classic AI videos and the fist 3 parts of AI-XXII: What Happened?

The players will tee off at 11:00 am for the first day of competition for the coveted Stan Cup to be followed by Italian Night  and, of course, the highly anticipated LIP SYNC

Day 1 AI-XXIII: images

Welcome to AI-XXIII

please take a knee and pay your respects as we begin the festivities.  Lyrics are available as an attachment on the email announcing this post.

New AI Competition?

The AI Competition Committee is always on the lookout for new ways to challenge and entertain the devoted fans of The AI.  From golf to miniature golf, from Bowling For Sotweeds to Wii bowling, from Springsteen to Southside Johnny, and, of course, from Lack of Skills to Lip Sync!  Stans have been subjected to dozens of videos, reams of writing and the ever perplexing 'original' songs. But, there is always the fear of ennui or even boredom.  What if there are 5 minutes without a scheduled activity?  How will anyone know what to do?

We have just received the latest update from The AI Meteorological Committee and it shows a significant chance of rain on Friday.  This is nearly unheard of in AI history, and a quick check with The AI Science Committee indicates that they deny the possibility of an AI climate change.  Be that as it may, The Competition Committee is asking that everyone study the attached proposed activity and provide your feedback

AI-XXIII Eve

LET'S GOOOOO!!!




And, for those who cannot understand my mumbling....

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go 

AI-XVI’s awaited

Still got shit to do, and places to go, oh 

AI-XVI’s awaited 

So get to the airport, get on a plane 

Hurry hurry hurry, it’s going to be inane 

I cleaned the fucking hot tub, let’s hope it doesn’t drain 

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

So get us to the golf course. Get us to the lanes

Hurry hurry hurry,  this rhyming is a strain

I’m desperately looking for something more germane

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Just put me in my bath robe, where the fuck's my do

Hurry hurry hurry, I'm covered in tattoos

I can't control my blogging, I can't control my spew

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

I'm putting out the doormats, getting out the chairs

There's 700 posters, and no one really cares

I can't stop singing Gordon, Kathi's pulling out her hair

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show 

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco 

I can't control my fingers, I can't control my toes 

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, I need to be sedated

Simply Rich

The final performance at Lip Sync V, AI-XXII, Day 3 was a spectacular way to bring the show to a close as Rich, dazzling with a small red animal on his head, and impenetrable behind dark glasses, held back the years.

Golf By The Numbers

Although the current forecast is ominous, particularly for Friday's action, The AI Competition Committee is not deterred from its mission to ensure that The Director and/or Banquet Director do not go another year without a victory.  The Committee has received several unseemly emails from players begging for more strokes, although in the absence of bribery or emoluments (what a word), these entreaties have not been entertained.


                                            COURSE
                            INDEX      HANDICAP

TKorp                   6.3          7 (combo)
The Director         9.0         10 (combo)
Heimsch              14.8         17 (combo)   15 (red)    
Paze                    16.1         16 (red)
Gordon                18.6         19 (red)
CKorp                  23.5         26
The BD                25.2         28

Coasters Elite

Emma is forever remembered for the first truly great Lip Sync performance as Emmanem looking fierce while rocking the AI hoodie.  At AI-XXII she chose to go a more autobiographical route, role playing her childhood in front of her mother and 13 of her closest friends (well 3 anyway).  It's cheaper than therapy and there's no deductible.  Don't talk back.....

She Sings Dead People

We're down to the final 3 performers last year's revue.  And the hits just keep on coming.

She's been Adele; she's been Sam Fucking Smith; and at AI-XXII she inhabited yet another musical persona, this time with dance steps and a fedora.   AI-Lip Sync proudly presents

The Chairwoman of the Board

Casting Pearl Before Stans

HOLD ON!!  Watch as the incredible energy of Edie takes a little piece of your heart at AI-XXII