AI Debuts Super Bowl Ad

AI Productions debuted its first ever Super Bowl ad during this past Sunday's game between the New Jersey Giants and Foxborough Patriots. Although the spot has not yet gone viral, it is showing signs of a low level infection.

It has received high praise from the advertising community and will undoubtedly be prominently mentioned for an Addy whenever and whatever that is. If you missed it, it can be viewed here

Handicap Update

AI-HQ received an email this morning from AI-XV Champion Paze pointing out that only 36 days remain until the onset of AI-XVI. That means it has been 329 days since last we joined company and feted one another with displays of camaraderie and poor sportsmanship. At this juncture then, we commence a public examination of the contestants' handicaps for the epic battle that awaits.

As of today's GHIN Revision, the field shapes up as follows:

Our reigning Champion continues to sport a 3.6 index which means he gets 4 shots at The Hill. PAZE joins GORDON as the most consistent players statiscially, albeit at opposite ends of the HCP spectrum. PAZE has been at 3.6 since 10/1 as it is difficult to find your ball in snow drifts. His high was a mere 4.0 on July 1, while his Vijay-like work ethic saw him plummet to 2.6 on 8/1. There will be no 10+ shots for our champion this year.


HEIMSCH has done yeoman's work & also played 150 rounds to reduce an index that was as high as 11 on July 1st to a low of 6.8 on October 15th. He currently rests at a comfortable 8.8 which would provide him 10 shots at Bay Hill.

The aforementioned GORDON uses a handicap system that he alone understands but is necessary to accommodate his unique method of scoring a round of golf. According to his calculations, his index is 17.9 which starts him off at 20 under par on our home course.

8 time Champion BURKE is using the 'play infrequently and when you do play, play badly' strategy to prepare for this year's event. From a low of 7.8 on October 1st, he has managed to work his way to a 10, good for 11 shots and only 9 clear of GORDON. With 36 days remaining, it will take some doing, but he feels he can still catch the AI-I Champion.

STAN(ley) Qualifies for AI-XVI

Is a 3 shot lead safe when a STAN is in the fairway a mere 77 yards from the final hole? Would you believe a 2 shot lead with a 45' putt? How about a 1 shot lead with a 3'8" putt with a 'make percentage' of 89%? Close followers of the AI, of which there are five, already know the answer. OF COURSE (not)!

Kyle STANley proved that no lead is safe for any STAN by butchering his next 4 shots. This monumental collapse allowed him to further prove his STANhood by losing on the 2nd playoff hole when his par putt sailed 5 feet past the hole with nary a chance of going in. Thusly was he able to snatch defeat from the broken jaws of victory and prove his mettle as a STAN worthy of inclusion in AI-XVI. Another fine mess indeed, STANley.

We salute our fellow STAN and anticipate this level of play at AI-XVI.

Guest Blogger

Now that the AI-X and perennial Bowling For Sotweeds Champion has retired from competitive golf or whatever that was he was doing for the several years preceding his retirement, the AI Steering Committee has enlisted James to pen the occasional blog as a window into the life of one entrusted with maintaining the generational continuity of the 1%.

Herewith, his maiden effort:

"You have any job openings down there? I’ll do just about anything to get away from egregiously spoiled, filthy rich, thimble-brained adolescents who all think the world owes them endless favors. (Gee, maybe it’s mid-winter at a boarding school?)

Mid term weekend break begins Saturday 2/4/12 at Noon; classes begin again at 8:25 am Thursday 2/9/12.

During most of that time I hope to be asleep. Our friends the “bruins” have it right: eat bear-like, like you’re at The AI for two weeks, and then, hibernate until it gets warm again.

My hapless hoop team has actually won two games this year (understand that our Frosh boys’ squad had not won a game since Herbert Walker Bush was president). In a spine-tingler against dreaded Church Farm School last Wednesday, in front of no one, we carved out a decisive victory, 24-16, to go 2-3 on the season. I have received inquiries from ESPN 14—for highlights, sound-bites—for ANYTHING…Young Woo Suh, out of Seoul, South Korea, is my leading scorer, averaging just under 7 points a game; he is, thankfully, a skilled shooter of the “baskabaw” (Dick Vitale), but has ZERO interest in playing any other role while he’s on the floor. Defense? Me? Pass the ball? Rebound? Hustle? ME????"

Editors note:

it is unclear whether 'Young' is the boy's name or an adjective

AI Adds Estate Planning Benefit

At a time when many if not most companies have been forced to dramatically slash budgets and employee benefits The AI Human Resources Department has unveiled its latest innovation. With the addition of this benefit, The AI again demonstrates its concern for the welfare of its players. So, while NBA players are forced to hock their ping pong ball size diamond stud earrings to pay the lease payments on their Bentleys, AI players can be serene in the knowledge that their eternal tee times have been made.

 

AI Committee Extends Invitation

Based on his recent performance in the Australian Open and his current ranking as # 660 in the world and dropping like Rick Perry's chances in the GOP primary, the Apartment Invitational Competition Committee has voted unanimously to extend an invitation for AI-XVI to John Daly.

When contacted by the media, Gordon said (and I quote): "Definitely invite him. It might relieve me of holding the AI record for most strokes on a hole."

Donald Trump Outs AI-X Champion

Donald Trump, noted cultural scholar and hair avatar, has poured fuel on the smoldering fire started with the release of 'Slackoff Mountain' at AI-X. Has The Donald, in a recent pathetic palaver, insinuated that our own James B. Reifsnyder may be implying more than the yips in packing a long putter in his bag. To wit,in a marginally insane attempt at explaining his position on gay marriage, Trump took to using a golf analogy:

“It’s like in golf,” he said. “A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial [sic]— but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive,” said Mr. Trump. “It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous [sic] friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

OK, where to start? Trump saying "I don’t want this to sound trivial" is akin to the Pope saying "I don't want this to sound Catholic." We can all also take solace knowing that "(he is) a traditionalist." Hence, the multiple wives common to the traditions of Arabic sultans, Mormon bigamists & Mickey Rooney. Or like George Wallace was regarding the sanctity of a college education.

However, the outright attack on our now retired colleague, erstwhile wielder of the long putter & AI-X Champion, is an outrage that must not be ignored regardless of whatever subliminal message Jim was or was not trying to send or not send via his (long) putter. For other examples of messaging laden with symbols involving elongated instruments, see 'Weiner, Anthony'