Never Forget

Our Champion (?)

As we turned the clocks ahead early yesterday morning, we were overwhelmed by thoughts that something was missing.  After locating our reading glasses and phone didn't slake the empty feeling, we realized that this weekend past was "AI Weekend" for all but IV of the previous XVIII events. Simple arithmetic, our favorite kind, reveals that there are thus a mere III.5 months until we gather again for XIX.   Let us then take a quick look back at AI-Inferno, golf division.

For the IInd consecutive year and the VIth time overall, Richard D. "Stan" Heimsch came out on top of the original AI competition, 36 grueling holes of something that occasionally resembles golf.  We will not belabor everyone now with the shot by shot progress of Round 2, leaving that instead for the ever excruciating AI-XIX Tournament Schedule.  A brief synopsis, however, reveals that Rich was dogged in his pursuit of the title while pursued by players who played like dogs.  He overtook Gordon (an alternative interpretation would be that Gordon overtook himself) on the 8th hole and withstood several tepid challenges from Stan and Paze on the back 9 and thus was able to gambol down the 18th hole with a 6 shot lead, leaving him a slightly better than 50/50 chance of winning.

Paze easily won the gross competition (some might say that is a redundant phrase when discussing AI golf), with an AI Bay Hill record round of 80 on Sunday.  He also finished T2 net with Stan, who sliced, hooked and hacked his way around the course for 2 days.  Gordon rounded (sic) out the field with yet another top 4 finish.

The AI Director and Banquet Director, using the FIFA and NCAA economic models of pocketing all the tournament profits, took off after AI-XVIII on a 2 week mission trip to Africa to spread the gospel of the AI.  There's nothing Africans like more than white Americans flying over to teach them how to live.  The itinerary included a 16 hour flight to Johannesburg, followed by 10 days in Botswana (3 of which were spent in a 3 meter by 3 meter tent with bucket shower and pit toilet) and concluded at Victoria Falls; well, actually we stayed at a hotel.

We will keep you 'posted' as inspiration strikes.  The Committee again thanks all of the participants for, in the words of JBR, their inexplicable annual attendance.  Congratulations again to Heimsch for his stirring victory and let this also serve as a reminder for him to bring the belt back.

Represent

Behold, the 2015 Bay Hill Match Play Champion - Cherry Hills (2nd) Flight (handicaps 7-11).  Stan, making his 4th appearance in the Finals of this grueling 3-day grind-a-thon, managed to win for the 2nd time, with a 1-up victory on Sunday.  Stan uncharacteristically birdied the 1st hole and never trailed in the match  (in fact he never trailed in the entire tournament), building a 3-up lead at one point on the front and leading 2-up thru 14 holes.  The train to victory ran into a flashing red light on 15 when Stan's 2nd shot could not be found in the always lovely Bay Hill rough and Stan could not persuade his opponent to play by AI rules rather than the rules of golf.  Then Stan's bogey on 16 created a butt squeezing all square with 2 to play.  Stan's par on 17 put him back up by 1 with the always stress-free #18 to play.  A well-struck 5-iron (!) off the tee left about 210 to a front pin.  But when his opponent sliced (he's a lefty) his tee shot OB, the pressure eased somewhat.  Stan followed with a 9-iron to 85 yards and a firmly steered SW to the front of the green and when his opponent missed his putt for bogey, Stan needed only to 3-putt to secure the win and recapture the cup (bearing a strikingly familiar design to keen observers).

You will, of course, also notice the branding of Stan's sponsor for the event.  What are not visible in the photo are the winner's AI socks which were worn throughout the tournament and are now festering in the laundry basket.

Friday Night Heights

Now that we have turned the page to 2015, our thoughts turn immediately to AI-XIX.  One of the most important jobs for the AI Committee is to avoid complacency or repetition that may cause a certain staleness in the proceedings. To that end, The Committee is looking at alternatives to the historical Friday night Bowling For Sotweeds. 

Herewith one of the activities we are considering:

Tee For Two

In a stunning upset, The Banquet Director and her husband topped the field in last weekend's annual Couples Club Championship at Bay Hill.  In only their second attempt, the duo played nearly flawless couples golf through the three 6-hole formats and won the net title in 61.8 strokes defeating 20 other teams including former Arnold Palmer Invitational  Champion Robert Gamez and his bride.  Kathi also dragged Stan around well enough to finish 4th gross at 77, 6 back of Gamez.

This epic event entails a best ball format for holes 1-6; modified alternate shot (both players drive and play alternately upon selecting the drive with a minimum of 2 drives/player for the 6 holes) for holes 7-12 and finally a scramble for the final 6 with the same 2 drive minimum.  The kids began on 16 with a par when Stan's 6-iron approach for a potential eagle putt splashed pin high left.  They rebounded quickly though with natural birdies on 17 & 18 (Kathi's drive and Stan's 5-iron to 6' from the back pin).  They then negotiated the best ball portion in 4 under net & 2 over gross before turning to the always entertaining alternate shot.  The marriage survived the alternate shot in 29/22.2, although it was temporarily jeopardized by a lost ball from Stan on #12,  before returning to the comfort of the scramble for the final 3.  Another natural birdie on 13 followed by a par and a bogey (2 missed 5-footers for par) and it was time for a gin & tonic and the coronation as the champs.

Photo of the title holders with their crystal bowl to follow.

Summoning The Demon

"I think we should be very careful about AI," the CEO of both SpaceX and Tesla, said Friday in a talk at MIT in Cambridge, Mass. "If I were to guess at what our biggest existential threat is, it's probably that."

"With AI we are summoning the demon," he said. "You know all those stories where there's the guy with the pentagram and the holy water, and it's like yeah, he’s sure he can control the demon. Doesn't work out."

This isn't the first time Musk has expressed concerns over AI In an interview with The Huffington Post in January, he said, "I hope the AI is nice to us."

Among those who seem to share Musk's concerns is celebrated physicist Stephen Hawking.

"Success in creating AI would be the biggest event in human history," Hawking said in a Huffington Post blog post co-written by physicists Max Tegmark and Frank Wilczek and computer scientist Stuart Russell. "Unfortunately, it might also be the last, unless we learn how to avoid the risks."

** special thanks to AI-V and AI-XV Champion Bob Paze for his investigative reporting on behalf of the AI media department.

Your Lip Sync Champion

The question of whether to make the Lip-Sync a part of AI-XIX was also addressed in the polling.  The data indicate that there is great interest in an encore.  There were 8 outright 'yes' votes, 3 'maybes' and 1 voyeur: "yes, but with me watching."  Stay tuned for updates and tweaks over the next 50 weeks leading up to AI-XIX.

And, mostly, thanks to all for pouring their energy, heart and soul and making it a night to remember (and you will, assuming the video camera was working).

And The Winner Is.....

The latest addition to the already hysterically paced AI, the Lip Sync competition, brought a range of talent and creativity to the proceedings that could not have been prophesied by NostraStanUs and left all in attendance gasping for the air that their peals of laughter had expelled from their lungs.

Someone had to go first; who could it be (now)?  Who else?  Edie, with a rollicking rendition of the Men Without Hats classic "Safety Dance" complete with....the safety dance.  Next up, Stan, with an improbable interpretation of Taylor Swift's romantic story of true love "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."  This assault on everyone's musical sensibilities was followed by The Apartment Co-Founder Reef, who provided a Sybil-like interpretation of the timeless Sonny & Cher duet "I Got You Babe."  Heimsch reached even farther back into the rock 'n roll archives for the doo-wop classic "Runaround Sue" by Dion & The Belmonts, although no Belmonts were in evidence.  We then saw Kathi ratchet up the intensity with George Thorogood's killer classic "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" only to be foiled by a balky internet that forced her to regroup, restart and still rock the house.  Wally, ever the reluctant warrior, reached deep into his oeuvre and, festooned in fedora and wielding a tennis racket cum Gibson Les Paul, soared through The Allman Brothers' "One Way Out" as a only a guitar hero could.    Kate, fortified by several gallons of Mollydooker Shiraz, strode around the room to The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)", while her roommate, Sean, wryly (?) announcing her choice  as "a song for my generation" ripped through LMFAO's (featuring Lil Jon) "Shots!"  Nora, expressing deeply held feelings that can only be shared among close friends, emoted Cee Lo Green's heart felt relationship tone poem "Fuck You." She was followed by the dark introspection of daughter Emma rocking the coveted AI-XVII hoodie in the dead of summer, who shocked and awed with a pitch perfect take of EMMAnem's "Lose Yourself."   Tony, sporting home made props and the AI-XVIII bucket hat, told us how to stay true to the AI and "Stand By Your Man (Stan)" in an inspired and perspired take on the Tammy Wynette classic.   Gordon brought the show to a stunningly hilarious conclusion with a 'piano-sync,' involving formal AI wear and printed program notes.  He then demonstrated his virtuosity with a performance of John Cage's inaudible classic: 4'33".  Smugly and correctly  anticipating an encore, Gordon wrapped up the proceedings with the equally sonic "Sphinxes from Carnaval" by  Robert  Schumann.

All participants were then given the opportunity to vote anonymously via the internets for their 3 favorite performances.  A first place vote was worth 3 points; a second place vote, two; and a third place vote, one point.  All 12 performers voted.  As the votes poured in, it quickly became apparent that the race for the coveted Lip Sync trophy was going to be a pitched (if not, off-pitch) battle between Sean and Emma.  Emma received 6 first place votes to Sean's 4; no one else received more than 1.  Interestingly, just as no MLB player has ever been unanimously elected to the Hall of Fame, both Emma & Sean were left off of two ballots entirely.  Still, they were the only performers whose vote tally reached double digits, in fact they both soared over the 20 point mark.  When it was all said and done however, Sean's 22 points fell 4 points short of Emmanem's 26 and thus the winner and recipient of the first AI Lip Sync trophy is EMMA!!

Postscript:  We apologize for the inordinate amount of time it took to conduct the balloting for this highly prized award, but we are in Florida after all.