Stansian Economics

The economic crisis that began with the unraveling of Bear Stearns in the spring of 2008 and continued with the stunning, nearly paralyzing failure of Lehman Brothers 6 months later, an investment bank that dated back to 1850, transformed everyone in the industrialized world into amateur, albeit expert, economists. Suddenly we learned new words like credit default swap and mortgage tranche and why they led the world's credit markets to seize up like Reef's back at the AI. Everyone knew they should have had their retirement money somewhere else when the DJIA was at 6,547 in March of 2009 and should have sold their house before we found out that it was worth 50% of what it used to be 'worth' a couple of weeks earlier. Then we forgot about it, because Obama is a socialist Kenyan who wants to take our guns away and have sex with our wives or even gay sex with our husbands. Plus, he's half black, which is a minimum of 50% too much.

Everyone was freaked out that George W. Bush's term of near genius economic management was coming to an end and Barack Obama, the radical, Commie, Muslim whose parents, during the year and a half they were married, devised a cunning plan upon his birth to make him President 47 years later. Yes, the Stepford Manchurian candidate baby Obama was going to be President. So everyone got fired. Something like 8 million fucking people lost their jobs just because their companies were panicked that Obama or that pants-suited bitch on wheels, Hilary, was coming into office and was going to change all the great economic policies that W had instituted and might pull the plug on those really fun wars, force health insurance companies to insure sick people or insist that research be conducted by actual scientists instead of Christian 'scientists.'

Anyway, fun times. However, as always, the bulwark AI maintained its fierce sense of community and altruistic bent throughout this and the ensuing terrible time of stimulus and common sense. Our charitable work with the Peyronie's Institute has been well documented, but not many are aware of the public relations campaign we have mounted to help restore economic dignity and good old fashioned easy credit to the American people. Jobs, salaries, no taxes, more services, shopping and great credit scores. We are bull-shittish on America.