Grazing in the Grass

With nightmares of AI's past ricocheting in their heads, The Director and Banquet Director have spent the past month jointly and severally hacking, chopping and flailing at golf balls in rough that approximates the depth and thickness of grasses more commonly seen in the Everglades.  That assumes the balls can be located at all.  A shot a mere yard or two wide of the fairway can result in a search party reminiscent of the one assembled by AI ancestor, Lord Stanley.  A player in a recent group tossed a club out of a bunker and spent the next 5 minutes trying to find it.

AI-XXIII:  April 4th - 8th.  You're welcome.

Where's the golf ball?

Jackie

Orlando’s Jackie (Jackie), 15, DIes; Loyal Friend, Family Member and Customer Service Director at One Day Masterpieces

February 3, 2019 - Orlando’s Jackie, referred to by all as ‘Jackie’, a black labrador retriever known for his regal bearing and sweet disposition, died today at his home in Orlando, FL, he was 15.

Mitch Burke and Kathi Marinari, his ‘parents’, employers and dear friends, said the cause was complications of old age.  He spent his last morning sleeping peacefully surrounded by Mitch, Kathi and two of his close friends, Nora and Cleo.

Jackie spent nearly his entire life at his home in Palm Lake in Orlando wheedling for biscuits, sleeping on one of his half dozen beds and taking long walks around the neighborhood.  He was widely known for his work as Director of Customer Service at One Day Masterpieces from 2003 until his retirement in 2017.  There he interacted with scores of customers, always with a smile on his face, a glint in his eye and a nose sniffing out possible treats, unless there was a young child or worse, a baby, in tow.  As a young puppy, a surprise encounter with a screaming baby left him petrified of the little terrors and caused him to flee whenever one was subsequently encountered.  

He spent his work days lounging in the sunny lobby during the morning hours.  At lunchtime, he would join Mitch, and later Conner, for 30 minutes of romping in “his field”; a 40 acre parcel behind the One Day Masterpieces building.  In his youth, he would occasionally scamper away from parental control and end up splashing through one of the canals flanking the field, leaving Mitch to fruitlessly chase and bemoan his stubborn independent streak.   But, due to his overwhelming desire to eat, he always returned.

He, along with his brother Conner, 2 years his junior and also a black lab, lived an opposite life from most dogs.  Their weeks were filled by interaction with their co-workers and customers at work, while their weekends tended to provide more alone time as Mitch, Kathi and Sean, pursued weekend recreational activities that often did not involve dogs.  True to their nature, Jackie and Conner never complained; unless dinner was late.

Although an otherwise stellar example of his fellow labrador retrievers, Jackie eschewed actually retrieving, choosing to let whatever object was thrown lay wherever it landed for the thrower to eventually go pick up him/her/self.  Another example of his iconoclastic personality was his refusal to swim in a pool, electing to exhibit his breed’s traditional love of swimming only in natural bodies of water.  This likely stems from another traumatic event in his youth, wherein he took a Greg Louganis like leap into the koi pond in the Palm Lake house backyard only to panic in the face of 80 colorful fish roiling what he imagined would be a serene dog pond.  After frantically clawing his way out, he would never enter a man made body of water again.

Jackie was also a constant presence at the storied Apartment Invitational (The AI).  He made his initial appearance before his 1st birthday at AI-VIII in 2004.  He can be seen in many photos and videos reveling in the interaction with his closest friends, although he abstained from participating in the Lip Sync.  A tee-totaler, he typically took up residence under the dining room table during the AI Banquet, knowing that the drunken revelers would gradually lose control of their forks and knives and provide him a bounty of forbidden fruits.

Somewhere around 2013, Mitch & Kathi acquired a Tempurpedic mattress for their bed in hopes of providing more comfortable and therapeutic sleep for them.  What they had not anticipated was a stealthy competitor who would spend countless hours nestled on/in its enveloping memory foam.  Jackie staked out his position early in the evening to ensure himself the most preferred spot, often to the dismay and contorted discomfort of his two sleeping mates, Mitch & Kathi.  Jackie spent so much time on the mattress that Mitch & Kathi began referring to him as “Tempurpedic” or sometimes just “Temp”.  Repeated entreaties to Tempurpedic to use him as a spokes-dog went unanswered.

Orlando’s Jackie (Jackie) was born on June 24, 2003 in Knoxville, TN to Tabatha’s Sport, his father, and Tabatha’s Maize, his mother.  He moved to Orlando when he was 4 months old in October 2003 and immediately provided comfort to his new family, first in mourning the recent death of Grandpa Richard and then over the next year as Mitch recovered from cancer surgery.and treatment.  Named for Grandpa Richard’s favorite baseball player, Jackie Robinson, he is survived by his human parents, Mitch & Kathi in Orlando, FL, his human sister Sean in Los Angeles and his younger brother Conner, also of Orlando.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that his friends give their dogs or cats an extra treat in his memory.

Jackie in "his field"

Jackie at his home in Orlando

Jackie enjoying his summer vacation in Highlands, NC 2018

XXIII and Me and You

When last we met, Rich (Stan) Heimsch was celebrating his triumph in
AI-XXII and looking for his strawberry blond lip sync wig, while the rest of us were wandering aimlessly, lost in our looming PAID (post AI depression).  But, wait.  There is hope.  There is faith.  There is....no charity

For the XXIIIrd time (XXIVth if one counts the BD's nightmare known as
AI-XI2.0), The Director and Banquet Director will host the annual rite, now of spring and previously of winter and occasionally of summer, that harkens Stans from across the nation to leave their nests and flock to
AI-HQ for a weekend of meditative self reflection and tortured metaphors.

Beginning Thursday, April 4th all AI pilgrims are called to make their annual hadj to the Mecca of Stans:  AI-HQ in Orlando, FL, where we hope to continue our record of no-one being trampled.  As always, the weekend will be carefully curated to allow everyone the opportunity for personal growth through deeply profound one on one interactions with fellow Stans as well as group activities designed to promote meaningful paths for better living upon returning to the outside world.

Failing that, we will eat, drink, lip sync, bowl, play golf and remind each other of how intensely bright, clever and charismatic we are.

AI-XXIII

April 4 - 8, 2019