AI-XXIV Report - Day 3

Stans,
well, not much to add to yesterday's report.  There is still no one at AI-HQ other than The BD & The Director.  Friday at The AI usually means Lack of Skills (LOS) + a 9-hole best ball event followed by fried chicken and Bowling For Sotweeds.  But no. With all practice areas at Bay Hill closed, the lone attendees instead played 12 holes of golf with friend of The AI, TKorp at the new social distance, of (the golf) course.

At this point, there's not much else to report, so we will continue.

Although we were forced to forego the annual sidecar cocktail party at the Korps, The BD refused to make a viral concession and made one for herself upon our return to AI-HQ.

The Baroness Von Sidecar at work at AI-XXIII

We then did not eat fried chicken.  We did eat burgers on rye toast with several gallons of wine.  At that point, we immediately did not go bowling.

The results from AI-XXIII LOS are inscrutable to this reporter.  We can report that in the 9-hole best ball competition, the team of Heimsch & TKorp led with a net 21, followed by Stan & The BD at 24. In third position was the duo of CKorp & Paze at 37 while Gordon, apparently playing with himself, brought up the rear in 43 net shots.

In the shot making competition, it appears that The BD led with 13 points, while Stan & Heimsch had 11.  Paze looks like he had 5, while CKorp had 2 and TKorp and Gordon had 1 each.  

                   AI-XXIII LOS Director Heimsch explaining the rules to perplexed onlookers

LOS Director's Score Sheet

At AI-XX-III Bowling For Sotweeds, Edie won for the umpteenth consecutive season with a two-game total of 238, easily outpacing The BD's 196.  On the Y chromosome side of the lanes, Heimsch ruined Jim's AI with a total of 256. How about a 2nd place finish for Jim?  Umm, no.  TKorp took second at 239 while Jim placed with 236 & refused to return his shoes.  For some reason perhaps involving alcohol, there are no scores for Game 2 for the lane that hosted Emma, Sean, Nick and Tony.  Given their opening game scores, The AI Statistics and Probability Committee has concluded that it's just as well.

AI-XXIV Day 1

Hello Stans,

Well, it was another crazy opening day here at AI-HQ for AI-XXIV!  As usual, The Director was barking last minute instructions to his chairs.  As usual, the chairs did not respond.  The posters, banners, door mats, directors chairs, and other paraphernalia were neatly strewn about the garage as they've been for the past XXIII years.  

It was then time to begin the annual shlepping back and forth to the airport to pick up the various Stans.  The first to not arrive this year was Rich, who didn't show up at 10:46am on United #686.  Next to not arrive was Jim, who failed to fly in on Allegiant #2295.  Wally did not make it on a never disclosed flight from Pittsburgh.  As usual, Gordon was the last to not arrive, as he did not make the drive from Sarasota.  Adding to the lack of attendance, Nora did not make it from her home in nearby Windermere.  The AI Travel Committee now projects that Sean and Nick will not be arriving tomorrow on American Airlines from LA, while Kate will not leave Brooklyn nor will Emma report from Atlanta.  As is their wont, Edie and Tony will not arrive for Friday's dinner and bowling

On the golf side of AI-XXIV, Stan and The BD had excellent practice sessions today as they continued to prepare for what promises to be a pressure packed battle  The AI Championship.

XI Time AI Champion checking phone to see if he has the right day for AI-XXIV

After hustling back to AI-HQ, it was time for the annual pilgrimage to Yellow Dog Eats.  What a night!  Incredibly, it happened again!! For the second year in a row we forgot to take Jim with us!  This year was even worse than last. Despite looking under every tree we could not find him.  Undaunted, The BD and Director pressed on and had the usual fantastic food, although they mentioned to each other that something seemed to be missing this year.  It was difficult to pinpoint, but there just wasn't the same energy as at past AI's.  Never fear though, The AI Entertainment Committee has committed to rectifying this for the remainder of the weekend!  

Let's close out this whirlwind of activity with a few photos of another amazing opening night  meal organized by The BD.

Next year in Orlando

The faithful will recite the line “next year in Jerusalem” at their Passover seders this week. 

On what should be the eve of AI-XXIV, let is remember how it has been, should be and will be again.

NEXT YEAR IN ORLANDO

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go 

AI-XVI’s awaited

Still got shit to do, and places to go, oh 

AI-XVI’s awaited 

So get to the airport, get on a plane 

Hurry hurry hurry, it’s going to be inane 

I cleaned the fucking hot tub, let’s hope it doesn’t drain 

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

So get us to the golf course. Get us to the lanes

Hurry hurry hurry,  this rhyming is a strain

I’m desperately looking for something more germane

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Just put me in my bath robe, where the fuck's my do

Hurry hurry hurry, I'm covered in tattoos

I can't control my blogging, I can't control my spew

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

I'm putting out the doormats, getting out the chairs

There's 700 posters, and no one really cares

I can't stop singing Gordon, Kathi's pulling out her hair

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show 

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco 

I can't control my fingers, I can't control my toes 

Oh no oh oh oh oh 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited 

Ba-ba-baba, baba-ba-baba, AI-XVI’s awaited 

I need to be sedated 

For We Lived So Well So Long

The AI Existentialism Committee would like to take this unique moment to provide a uniquely serious post.

As of 11:30 EDT on 26 March 2020, most Stans are under government directives to shelter in place.  Moments ago, The Director, The BD, Nora, Edie, Tony, CKorp and TKorp in Orlando joined Sean & Nick in LA, Kate G in Brooklyn, Emma in the ATL and Wally in Pittsburgh as prisoners of COVID-XIX.  Only, Rich in Bastrop, Jim & Kate in Jim Thorpe and Gordon in Sarasota are currently free to move about their towns.

 In the case of Bastrop it's seen as just another northeastern liberal plot to get them to wash their hands with fluoridated water; in Jim Thorpe, the local government likely hasn't yet heard about the virus; while in Sarasota everyone is so old, they assume it's a lost cause anyway.  Sorry, serious, serious, serious.

For many of us at a time like this, music is a powerful palliative.  For others it's wine and a few Benadryl.  But, wherever and however you take comfort in stressful times, it is important to feel part of a community.  To not feel alone.  To both feel and provide empathy.  To be hopeful. To be realistic. To be thankful. To be clear.  To be one of a family of 7 billion people in the world.  To be an American Stan 

MY CORONA

It has come to the attention of the AI Medical Committee that people around the world are complaining of flu-like symptoms. Initially, The Committee assumed that Gordon, in an egotistical plot to make himself appear normal, had cajoled the world (I repeat THE WORLD) into projecting normal symptoms of every day life into a life threatening pandemic.  Who knew?  Turns out all these years Gordon was the canary in the coal mine.  As an aside, why a canary, why not a chicken?  But, we digress.

Anyhoo....after (not so) serious consultation with The AI Logistical Committee, The AI Pandemic Committee and The AI Lack of Ethics Committee, we have reached a consensus:

AI-XXIV

Well Stans, I'm back.  Yes, on this 29th day of February, a day lived only once per quadrennial, I have opted to reenter your lives and valuable screen time.

Let us begin