They Say It's Your Birthday

61 years ago today, somewhere in the swamps of Jersey, a towheaded baby was born to Dolly and Howard, joining sister Sue and thus completing the real Reifsnyders of Florham Park.

I know you will join all of us here at AI HQ in congratulating Jim on surviving another year.

May Day Handicap Report

Very little movement since the last revision.  Everyone but Burke improved their indexes a bit, with Heimsch improving his yellow tees handicap by 1. 

So with about 7 weeks to go, only two strokes separate 3 of the players while Gordon is apparently lying in wait about to make his move on the home stretch.  Or not.

Herewith the numbers as of the May Day revision:

                                 INDEX         BAY HILL (yellow tees)
BURKE:                      8.9                11
PAZE:                          9.9               12
HEIMSCH:                11.3                13
GORDON:                 15.0                18
MARINARI:              33.9               39  (white tees)

The AI-XVIII Lip-Sync Challenge

The AI is constantly looking for ways to stay vital, fresh and exciting.  Failing that, we sit on the couch and watch TV.  This year, the AI will be held in the sultry Florida summer for only the second time and the first time without a subscript.  The AI-XVIII Events Committee has taken its charge to heart and the result is a new competition destined to find its place in AI history alongside other competitions too tedious to mention.

And so, we present the Inaugural AI Lip-Sync Challenge.  This event is mandatory for all AI attendees.  Given the tremendous (latent?) talent lying within the expanded roster of attendees for AI-XVIII, the evening promises to one to remember; although no one other than Sean, Kate and Emma likely will.

Herein the rules:
1.  each participant must prepare and lip sync/perform 60 seconds of a song that will be judged by the other participants on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the best score.
2.  Scores will be written down anonymously and stowed secretly in a mayonnaise jar on the porch of AI HQ
3.  each performance will be recorded on video for blackmail purposes
4.  Scores will be tallied and the winner will be feted with meaningless compliments and swag
5.  Paze, a pioneer in the field, may not use 'Rocky Raccoon'

As a means of demonstrating how the contest works and to show whence it was stolen, please see below:

Jimmy....Buffet?

Stans,
The AI and its participants are renowned for many things, not least of which (or possibly least of which) is their philanthropy.  There are many examples of our largesse: after leaving his reading glasses in the car, Gordon once accidentally bought a drink for a friend; Heimsch, thinking he was simply playing his 57th hole of the day, bought a drink from the beverage cart girl and only later realized that he had inadvertently purchased a raffle ticket in a charity golf tournament.  The stories of our collective and individual altruism are legion.

To wit, the Reef, whose nom de ecole is Reif (?), recently put all of us to shame when he selflessly donated his time and talents to an often overlooked cause:  raising money for the 1%.  Sure, people routinely give of themselves to help those less fortunate, but how many of us really take the time to ensure that those more fortunate stay that way?

The Importance of Stretching

All athletes, particularly golfers, and more particularly the elite participants at the AI, know well the importance of stretching prior to play.  The AI Training Staff takes the health of its players very seriously and as such has collaborated with Golf Digest to offer this training guide for the upcoming 18th iteration of the AI. 

Additionally, our research indicates use of the AI Shake Weight can enhance the benefits of this stretching regimen.  Lastly, unlike the instructor in the video, we recommend that our players be clad in either their AI bathrobe or AI sports jacket in order to gain maximum benefit from the program.

The Ides of April

April 15th, a day of reckoning; a day of postmarks; a day of writing big checks and thinking that one part of the Republican platform suddenly seems to make a lot of sense - you know, the one where everyone gets to keep all of their money because corporations will do the right thing and take care of everything for us if we just leave them alone; a day of deductions and receipts; or, as Wesley Snipes calls it "the day before April 16th"

and....the day of the latest GHIN handicap revision.  For the first time in recent AI history we have a new name at the top of the list.  Yes, Paze's program of spending 6 weeks in Florida taking lessons and revamping his swing after 50+ years has paid great dividends already:  an increase of 4 strokes to his Index, proving once again that practice doesn't necessarily make perfect.

Meanwhile, Gordon continues to play on a pitch and putt course so he can break 90; Heimsch is sporting a new eye ball and awaiting another one; Burke and Marinari try to fit in as much early evening golf as they can before the onslaught of the inevitable heat; while excessive viewing of the Premier League has Reef wearing a beanie and a scarf and speaking in a Liverpool accent to the consternation of his students

Here are the numbers as of today's revision:

                                 INDEX         BAY HILL (yellow tees)
BURKE:                      8.9                11
PAZE:                        10.1               12
HEIMSCH:                11.7                14
GORDON:                 15.2                18
MARINARI:              34.5                39  (white tees)

Handicap Update

Like disgraced Presidential candidate John Edwards' two Americas, we seem to be heading for two AI's.  Given the recent handicap revision posted on Saturday, this reporter has one more reason to be relieved that AI-XVIII has been shifted to the heat and humidity of late June.  On a related note, the Handicap Committee is examining the resume of a Mr. Snowden for a possible position examining the security of score posting on the GHIN system.

As of March 1, 2014

                       Index/ BH Hcp from Yellow Tees

PAZE:           6.6 / 8
BURKE:       7.9 / 9
HEIMSCH:  12.8 / 15
GORDON:   15.5 / 18