Handicapping AI-XX

Et tu, Stan?  The Ides of March are upon us, and in Florida that currently means two things:  Firstly, people are not flocking to the polls to vote in one of the 3 or 4 most important primaries in the country.  Turnout is reported to be quite low here in the all important I-4 corridor.  It would appear that many in the Sunshine State are not Ready For Hillary, Feeling The Bern or interested in Making America Fascist Great again.

Secondly, and of far more gravity, the final handicap revisions have been handed down from the GHIN gods for the upcoming swing fest.


                   INDEX      BH HANDICAP
Bob Paze       8.6                  10
M. Burke        8.9                  11
Heimsch         12                  14
Gordon          16.3                19
The BD           25                  28
Reef                ?                   20

Observers of  AI history will note the conundrum of AI-V & XV Champion, Bob Paze, entering the tournament with his highest handicap ever while also having nearly 6 weeks of near daily Orlando golf under his ample belt.

AI-XIX Champ Gordon (the same), Burke (1 lower) and Heimsch (1 higher) enter with nearly the same numbers as last year, while The BD shows marked improvement, shaving 3 strokes off of her number (number?) from last year's tilt.  Pottstown, nee Punxatawny, Reef, once again emerges from his lair for his once a year appearance and all indications are that he will foresee 12 more months of no golf.

Preparing

The AI Banquet Director, Lack of Skills Competitor, 4-Ball Competitor and now for AI-XX, competitor for the coveted AI Championship, was hard at work the weekend before last.  In the morning hours, prepping for the always eagerly anticipated Saturday Night Italian Feast, in the afternoon, working on her short game, and in the evening, studying for the  3rd Annual Lip Sync Battle.

Our cameras were only able to capture the preparations for Saturday night's feast.  Preparations for the golf and lip sync are being sequestered in a manner that would startle Bill Belechick

PANS OF MEAT

LASAGNA (the inside)

LASAGNA (the outside)

Rehearsal Dinner

With precisely 3 weeks until the onset of AI-XX, the AI-Rehearsal Committee convened a meeting at nearby Stefano's Italian Restaurant and Type Two Diabetes Training Center.  In attendance were two-time champions Paze and Gordon, along with the Banquet Director, Tournament Director and long-time blog lurker, fan girl and Paze caretaker, Diane.   The group gathered for cocktails, which in Pittsburgh apparently means Coors Light poured into a rocks glass from a can.  Earlier in the day, Gordon and Stan traipsed merrily around the golf course at Bay Hill, which led to their being escorted off the grounds, as traipsing is prohibited.

We then returned to AI-HQ to watch the latest installment of that hit show on FOX  "Four, with the Brains of Two and a Half, Men" where 4 guys in suits yell at each other about the size of their, umm, hands, while praising the Governor of Michigan for not intentionally poisoning the residents of Flynt.

AI-XX Trailer

Official Lack Of Evolution Sponsor of AI-XX

with little more than a month until the madness, The AI Marketing Committee has been sorting through myriad requests for branding tie-ins.  We are proud to announce our Official Lack Of Evolution Sponsor for AI-XX.  This creature, well not this specific creature, has been extant for approximately 200 million years or 199,996,000 years longer than Ben Carson believes humans to have roamed the earth.  We are beginning to believe that when people refer to Carson as a brain surgeon they mean it sarcastically; like, "hey, look at Carson, he's a real brain surgeon isn't he?"

Our sponsor, a locavore, can usually be found in the lake surrounded by holes 3 & 6; please make sure to stop by and thank him/her for his/her support of AI-XX

Jim and The Americans

with about 2 months until the potentially epic (god, I hate that that word has been co-opted) AI-XX, the AI-Lip Sync Committee has asked that we remind those planning to attend that this ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around.

behold:  

An Invitation to Save the Date

The AI Semantics Committee asks "what is the difference between a 'Save the Date' missive and an invitation?"  Are the recipients to 'save the date' as an exercise in using their calendars? Is the 'save the date' notification meant to imply that the sender thinks there is somehow a difference between that and something labeled "invitation?"  Is it a conspiracy concocted by the printing and gift card industries?  Is it a cry for attention? a signal to the guests of just how important the host and his or her event is? Are we to 'save the date' in the hope that something happens that day?  Are the potential guests meant to meekly accede to their host's mercurial whim?  And how long does one wait between issuing a 'save the date' and an invitation?  Is there a retraction, a "disinvitation", if the host changes his or her mind about their apparently epic shindig?  Or what?

On the other hand, The AI Scheduling Committee hereby requests you 

SAVE THE DATE for AI-XX.  

And, more importantly they suggest you save THESE DATES:

Thursday, March 24 - Monday, March 28

Any previous information you may have received is hereby rendered inoperative.

The AI recommends you immediately enter these dates into your electronic calendar on your phone, PC or tablet; and, for Gordon, leave sticky notes all over your house.

XX looms.