This past weekend many of us were again glued to our DVR's for the riveting drama that can only be provided by white men grappling with the vicissitudes of the human condition. Yes, it was Shields & Brooks killing time before their Friday Martinis on the PBS NewsHour. How do you get that job anyway? But then it was on to that other, annual, bastion of pretension and privilege: The Masters. Friends, it was a weekend like every other. Despite the fact that 98.7% of the members at Augusta National believe that global warming IS a plot by the Chinese, the azaleas bloomed 3 weeks ago, leaving only the canned bird chirping and the most men you'll see in green jackets outside of a leprechaun costume party to remind us of what we were watching. Oh, and Jim Nantz. The Sultan of Smarm.
There was some drama as Sergio Garcia finally won a major. Not because it had taken him so long, but because it wasn't clear if the local ICE agents know that not everyone who speaks Spanish is Mexican and might deport him before he could don the second most coveted jacket in golf.
It is with this in mind that we remember the welcome from the AI Chairman to AI-XV:
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