Numerology

March madness has begun.  No, not that bloated money laundering vehicle cloaked as a basketball tournament.  True, clinical madness.  That takes place in March.  Partially.  As such, The AI Executive Director has waded into the sanctum sanctorum (latin cousin of Rick), rooted through piles of papers, USB cables, camera memory cards and old NYT Magazines to unearth the desk upon which sits The Official AI iMac. The venerable machine has been shaken out of its months long slumber and with the requisite security updates from The AI IT Department, has been deemed secure from Russian hackers as well as  400 pound men sitting on their beds in New Jersey.

After much gnashing of teeth, smacking of gums, against all better judgment and without an Oxford comma, The AI Golf Committee has agreed to sanction AI-XXII.  Seven 'players' have been granted credentials to the 3 days of competition better known as whine, groan and grunt.  In order to provide a more perfect AI experience, as if that were possible, The Committee has again tendered invitations to the couple Korpolinski as a means to round out an already rather round field.

Day 1 will again feature the Six Ball competition with one Korpolinski assigned to a threesome and the other a foursome relegated to the role of marker or, if she/he is as smart as we know him/her to be, will fold laundry or dust chair rails while the other is forced to participate.  The format on Days 2 and 3 will be similarly inscrutable.  In a grand gesture by The AI Diversity Committee, The Korpolinskis will be eligible for the Six Ball title.  However, as with any non-native brought somewhere through no fault of their own, they are deemed ineligible for any benefits that accrue to native AI participants competing for The AI Championship.  

As always, The Committee strives to stage a fair and equitable event using USGA approved handicaps.  Failing that, we will make something up as we go along.

Here then are the penultimate handicaps for the field:

                                Index   Full     Combo

Korpolinski (père):     7         8            6

Paze                          10        12          10

Burke                        10.3     12          10

Heimsch                    13.4     16          13

Gordon                      16.6     20          17

Korpolinski (mère)     24.6     27          ---

The BD                       24.7     27          ---

4 weeks from today......

THE BANQUET - AI-XXI